I've wanted kids for years. I've watched my siblings have babies and I've watched some of our friends have them. I've gone to baby showers and I've thrown baby showers. And I have to tell you that when I read people venting that they are upset at the sight of other people who are pregnant around them, I can't relate. It's not that I don't wish I was also pregnant. It's that I'm still happy for these people and I don't think everyone else has to pay for our situation.
A colleague of mine has had fertility issues for years. Recently, she ended up adopting a baby. She's really the only one that I have even slightly opened up to about our fertility issues but I have always been really vague. Anyway, one morning she came into my office with a really sad expression on her face and said "were you okay yesterday?" I had no idea what she was talking about. "What was yesterday?" I asked her, thinking she was confusing me with someone else. "Mother's Day" she said with a pout, "was it hard .for you?" Realizing what she was talking about, I explained to her that I hadn't even thought about it. She then told me she bawled every year on Mother's Day and this was the first happy year for her now that they had their son.
I guess I just don't get it. My pain doesn't need to be anyone else's pain. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.
Ok, I confess - I am one of those women who does get frustrated seeing pregnant women at certain points in my cycle (usually immediately after I found out that whatever we just tried was unsuccessful....again). But it is not all kinds of women that frustrate me... One woman at my work just had her 7th baby and although on one side I am very happy for her I also get a little sad that I am only asking for one and then some women have 7 :) But I don't wish her bad and I don't want her to suffer. Then I get annoyed by women who have kids and are pregnant but constantly complain about their kids... And then those who say that they got pregnant but did not really want to get pregnant at this point but oh well... I definitely do not want any of these women to go through what I am going through... I just get a little annoyed when my hormones take over...:-)
ReplyDeleteOh, Adina, I am so with you on some of those other points! It kills me when women (and teens!) easily get pregnant that weren't trying to have kids. I definitely ask myself why it has to be so much harder for us when it's so easy for others.
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